


Hospitals and Angel Boys

by awkwardjazzy



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: M/M, also im thinking of a socky spin off, cries, im so sorry for this, im such a terrible person, once again so sorry, this is crappy writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 01:06:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10322027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardjazzy/pseuds/awkwardjazzy
Summary: Myungjun has the flu, but he thinks he's dead because there's obviously an angel standing right next to him, but Dongmin doesn't agree.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moonbinsonesie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbinsonesie/gifts).



> based off the prompt where Jinwoo and Myungjun meet at a hospital. Myungjun has a fever while Jinwoo has cancer. (tbh I made a new friend and I'm so sorry this writing is super crappy...)
> 
> I'm saying sorry in advance for this horrid writing. I think it's the crappiest writing EVER. ugh, it sucks so bad but I was inspired. here's this crappy thing though.

Jinwoo sits in his chair pondering over the short male, with strikingly blonde hair and a smile to rival the sun, that had seemed to take over so much of his life. He sat silently, staring out the window blissfully before his eyes began roaming the seemingly bare room until his eyes focused on a pastel pink notebook. He walked over to the bookshelf and picked up the object, the familiarity of it soothing him. He promised Myungjun that he’d never open something so personal, but he couldn’t resist the urge. He carefully opened the cover, scanning the contents of the first page as all the memories floated back through his mind.

* * *

 

_June 23, 2016_

_Today was the first day I saw him. It wasn’t the best of circumstances considering how we met and where, but despite that he was still the most captivating person in the room._

_-Myungjun_

    Myungjun woke up not feeling like his normal bubbly, sunshine self. Sure there are days where he wakes up grumpy because he didn't get enough sleep, but this was completely different because Myungjun woke up with a pounding migraine and a slight stomach ache. When he sat up in his bed he let a groan slip past his plump lips and when he began to stand up he had to clutch the side of his nightstand in order to keep from falling due to the dizziness that had seemed to creep up on him. It took him thirty minutes to move from the side of his bed to his closet, that was only a mere five feet away, so he could put on some type of shoes; and then it took him another thirty to make it out of his room and into the living room where he was sure his roommate, Dongmin, would be with his boyfriend Moonbin. He made his presence known by groaning uncharacteristically loud and hitting the wall slightly harder than necessary until someone turned around and acknowledged that he was in fact there in the room dying slowly. Both Dongmin and Moonbin looked at him, annoyed that their movie had been interrupted, and their faces dropped upon seeing him.

"Oh my God, what's wrong?"

"Are you hurting?"

"Do you feel dizzy? Lightheaded?"

"Does your head hurt? What about your stomach?"

"Oh my goodness, he's so pale Dongmin!"

"We should take him to the hospital."

"Yeah, I'll go get the car, you bring Myungjun down."

"I'll get the car. You're stronger, Moonbin. He might need to be carried."

Upon hearing the word Hospital, Myungjun started panicking. He hated hospitals and their bad vibes. Hospitals were places where bad news was given, places full of dullness and death, and Myungjun wanted none of that.

"You know what guys, I'll take an Aspirin and lay back down. I'll be fine later, all I need is some rest!"

"Nope, we're taking you to the hospital Myungjun. You can't avoid it, you look like death bro."

"No, I'm fine really!"

"Grab him Moonbin, I'll get he car."

No!"

No matter how much Myungjun tried to escape, Dongmin's words were final and he soon found himself being carried like a toddler, on the verge of having a tantrum, to Dongmin's car and placed in the back seat. He huffed loudly and buckled his seatbelt then, in order to escape Dongmin and Moonbin's love fest, tried his hardest to fall asleep. He placed his head on the window and sighed in relief when he felt the coolness of the glass make contact with his flushed cheek. He remembers asking Dongmin to turn up the AC because 'it's too damn hot in here' and humming to the radio (that was playing NCT's "Limitless") before closing his eyes and falling into a dreamless sleep. The next thing he knows he's being shaken by Moonbin with a worried Dongmin behind him asking if he's okay enough to walk or if he'd need Moonbin to carry him. He lets a weak laugh slip past his lips as Moonbin lets out an exasperated sigh and mumbles 'I carried him to the car, it's your turn' followed by Dongmin rolling his eyes. Myungjun waves both of them off saying he can handle himself, but thinks that Dongmin carrying him into the hospital isn't a bad option when he stumbles out of the car clutching his head. It's Moonbin that catches him when he falls, but Dongmin who carries him into the hospital after mumbling _'how much do you eat you fatass'_ but everything else is blurry as he falls in and out of consciousness in Dongmin's arms. He thinks he's dead already when he sees a person with white ripped jeans and a pastel pink sweatshirt looking at him. Myungjun is completely convinced when the boy, with dark brown hair (as dark as his eyes) that was swept out of his face and eyes that were hidden behind crescents, smiled  brightly (that was even more beautiful than Dongmin and Moonbin's smiles combined). He had to be dead because the boy laughed and it was the most heavenly sound; Myungjun thought it was impossible for him to still be alive. He quickly pulled on Dongmin's shirt to get his attention.

"Dongmin am I in Heaven?"

"No, you're in a hospital. Why would you think you're in Heaven?"

"Because there's an angel next to us."

"What are you talking about Myungjun?"

"The angel standing right there! Don't you see him? He's only standing like ten feet away! He's impossible not to notice!"

Dongmin looks around the empty waiting area and finds Moonbin talking to some boy with a pink sweatshirt.

"You mean the boy Moonbin's talking to?"

"NO! He's an angel, I swear he is!"

"Myungjun, he's not an angel, I promise."

"How can you promise if you don't know if he is or isn't in fact an angel Dongmin."

Myungjun huffs, annoyed that Dongmin keeps disagreeing with him. He wriggles out of Dongmin's grasp and walks over to one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs. He plops down on the chair and turns away when Dongmin sits in the one right next to him. He's still ignoring Dongmin when he sees angel boy sit down on one of the chairs across from him, Moonbin taking the one next to him. He watches as Moonbin talks to angel boy as if he's known him for a while. He sits and admires the boy's features, taking in every small detail: the way he talks slowly as his hands move at a rapid pace, how deep his voice is, the way his hair falls in his face and the small movement of his head to put the hair back in its place, and the way his eyes become crescents when he smiles. Myungjun squeals when the boy laughs, and Dongmin looks at him worriedly and asks if he's hurt. He looks incredulously at Dongmin, as if he has three heads, and mumbles 'why would I be hurt?'. Dongmin rolls his eyes and turns to face Myungjun.

"Myungjun, you just groaned. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine!"

"If you say so."

Myungjun went back to studying the beautiful boy before the name 'Park Jinwoo' was called by a tall, lanky, awkwardly-proportioned nurse (Myungjun thinks his name is Sanha, but his eyes were looking elsewhere so his name could've been trash for all Myungjun cares) and angel boy stood up quickly before following the nurse that called him.

"Where's angel boy going?"

Moonbin snorted at Myungjun's statement before rolling his eyes at the lovesick boy.

"It was his turn to be called. He's meeting with his doctor right now, and his name's Jinwoo by the way."

"I do have exceptional hearing you know, so I did hear the name when the nurse called him thank you very much."

"Alrighty there smart ass."

"Just saying though."

"Whatever."

Myungjun huffed and slumped down in his seat for what felt like years (which ended up only being half an hour), but perked back up at the mention of his name, from a very well built nurse named Minhyuk with light brown hair that matched his soft eyes and dimples that formed when he smiled, and quickly walked (stumbled) up to the nurse who wasn't much taller than him. He was almost right in front of the nurse when he caught a glimpse of angel boy sitting in the hospital room talking to his doctor with a frown on his face. He lost concentration and tripped over his own two feet only to hit his face off what felt like concrete, but when he looked up he found himself being wrapped in the arms of Minhyuk with a slightly worried awkward, lanky nurse right in tow ( _'So his name was Sanha'_ ). Both nurses looked at him with concern etched on their faces and asked him if he was okay. He quickly nodded, but soon felt the pain reach his forehead.

"Ouch, oh my god what are you made of, concrete?"

"What?"

"Your chest is so hard it's like a fucking rock, my god. If I knew you catching me was going to hurt this bad I would've taken my chances with lanky limbs over there."

"Did you just call me lanky limbs?"

"Yeah, you know 'cause your limbs are really long. And you concrete chest guy, you need to fatten up or something because damn you need to be softer."

"But I worked hard for these abs...."

Myungjun thinks he gives Rock dude, who he settles on calling Rocky, a dissatisfied glance before turning to see lanky limbs flushing while looking away.

"Well, you should work hard to lose them too. You need to eat a lot dude. Gain lots of weight."

"But I do eat."

"Eat more! Eat cakes, cookies, fattening foods bro."

"Um..."

Lanky limbs snickered quietly observing the conversation in front of him, but Myungjun noticed the way his eyes always seemed to lead back to Rocky and light up brighter than any star Myungjun gazed at when he was younger.

"You seriously need to eat more, and you should have someone watch your eating habits to know that you're fattening up too. Take lanky limbs and treat him to a couple of meals, he's too skinny anyway. You both need to fatten up."

"Take lanky limbs- I mean Sanha with me?"

"Yeah! Make it a date too because you called me to meet with a doctor three minutes ago and in the 180 seconds I've been around you two I already want to puke at the heart eyes you're throwing at each other. Now if you'll tell me what room I need to go to I'd gladly like to leave before I throw myself off a cliff due to your obliviousness towards each other."

Both males stood shell-shocked before they both pointed to the room with the number 127 on a small plaque to the right of the door. He quickly thanked the two nurses before he walked into the room he was pointed to. When he walked in he found angel boy smiling towards the entrance of the door and the doctor looking at him with a look of pure satisfaction.

"Um, hello."

The doctor quickly blinked and then turned to Myungjun.

"Hello Myungjun so as of right now you'll be sharing a room with Jinwoo here. It's only temporary because you'll only be here for a few days up to a week at max."

"Wait, aren't you going to see what's wrong with me?"

"We already have. You were falling in and out of consciousness so we took you right away. You have a slight fever so you'll need to rest in the bed and be hooked up to antibiotics. Don't worry, Jinwoo's great company. If you'll excuse me I have another patient waiting for me."

After hooking Myungjun up (after forcing him to change into the uncomfortable hospital gown), the doctor quickly left the room leaving an awkward silence in his wake. It took about thirty minutes for someone to talk, and it came as a shock to Myungjun who was trying (and failing) at finding a way to introduce himself without making a complete fool of himself in the process.

"Thank you."

"Huh?"

Myungjun turned to Jinwoo, a look of confusion plastered on his usually carefree face.

"For telling both of those nurses that they should date, I mean. I've had to suffer through them dancing around each other for the past month."

"Oh. Honestly I don't know what got into me, I'm usually really happy and carefree. I guess it was their obliviousness towards each other."

"Thank you, seriously. I mean now we won't have to suffer through them trying to tiptoe around each other."

"But if they do get together, we'll have to suffer through the coupley things they do."

With that being said Jinwoo threw his head into his pillow and let out a long groan.

"Thanks dude, you just ruined my happiness."

"Sorry, but I was only telling the truth. My name's Myungjun by the way."

"I'm Jinwoo."

"Nice to meet you Jinwoo."

"You too, actually it's really nice to have a roommate even if it's only for a short period of time. I was getting kind of lonely."

"Lonely is my middle name."

Jinwoo sent a smile towards Myungjun and he practically melted under the gaze that accompanied the smile. ( _'Thank god I'm in a bed because if I wasn't I'd probably be on the floor right now calling for life alert.'_ )

"Not to sound rude, by why are you here?"

"Adenocarcinoma."

"What?"

"Pancreatic cancer. I'm on my second cycle of chemotherapy. It's a miracle that I haven't lost my hair."

"Oh my, that's a big thing to have."

Jinwoo showed a smile so blindingly beautiful that Myungjun forgot how to breathe. He'd questioned whether he was dead or not when he first laid eyes on Jinwoo, but now he knows he's alive because angels don't go through hardships and Jinwoo has (and Myungjun still thinks he's more beautiful than any angel he's ever thought up). Myungjun returned the smile Jinwoo had sent him and hoped with all of his heart that his had affected Jinwoo just as much. He thinks he hears a small intake of breath, but he rations that it's the medicine and his mind playing tricks on him because Jinwoo is so undeniably gorgeous and so undoubtedly out of his league that he would never look twice at Myungjun. It's only when he sees the flush on Jinwoo's cheeks and a small 'you're too beautiful' that he believes the heavens are finally on his side. He quickly ducks his head, the heat quickly crawling up his neck and reaching the tips of his ears. He mutters a quiet thank you and bites his lip to contain the smile that was threatening to spill out.

*  
*   
*

_July 25, 2016_

_You're being way too nice to me, you're getting my hopes up for something I know that will never happen. Please stop._

_-Myungjun_

    Myungjun wakes up to find himself in the same old hospital bed next to Jinwoo. He was supposed to leave over a month ago, but the doctors told him that his case worsened and that he'd need to stay longer. He's not complaining though because that means he gets to spend more time with Jinwoo which is a perk. It's quite cute how close they've become. They made a fuss to move their beds and combine them so they could talk during the nights they found it hard to sleep so it's no surprise that he finds himself wrapped in Jinwoo's embrace. He peeks open one eye and glances around him then quickly closes his eyes again and snuggles up to Jinwoo before falling back to sleep.

    He wakes up to Jinwoo gently running his fingers through his hair and smiling down at him. The smile Jinwoo is sporting infuriates Myungjun because it's so sincere and beautiful, but he doesn't know if it's a 'you're my best friend, thanks for being here for me' smile or if it's one of those 'I want to kiss you so hard you can't breathe' smiles and he's really wishing it's the second option, but knowing Jinwoo it's probably the first option. He smiles back none the less and tries his best to silently convey that he wants to kiss the living daylights out of Jinwoo, but of course all he receives in return (like always because this never changes despite how desperately Myungjun wants it to) is Jinwoo smiling even brighter at him, his eyes disappearing almost completely. He tells Myungjun that he needs to go to his next chemo session and that he needs Myungjun to let go of him so he can leave.

"No! You're like a teddy bear!"

"I need to go though."

"But you can't leave, I need more sleep."

"I have to, and think about it this way: the faster I leave and go to my session, the faster I can come back and become your teddy bear again."

"Well what are you waiting for? Chemo doesn't have all day to wait Jinwoo, why are you so lazy these days?"

    Jinwoo rolls his eyes and scoffs before quickly hopping off his bed and walking to the door. When he reached the door he promised he'd be back soon and blew a kiss to Myungjun before walking out of the room. Myungjun sat stunned, asking himself if he'd actually seen Jinwoo blow him a kiss. He pondered over it for a good thirty minutes before deciding that Jinwoo had only meant it in a friendly way. He quickly rolled over and as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out. He woke up to the rustling of sheets and the dipping of the bed he was on. He opened his eyes to find Jinwoo slipping under his covers and wrapping his arms around Myungjun's waist so effortlessly. He began to wonder why Jinwoo was in his bed, but he noticed that he had apparently rolled over onto Jinwoo's bed (and he was currently cuddling with the pillow that had an overwhelming scent of Jinwoo). He made room for Jinwoo and then latched on like a koala as Jinwoo began running his fingers through Myungjun's hair. He snuggled even closer to Jinwoo and quickly fell asleep to the sound of Jinwoo humming lowly while practically petting Myungjun's hair.

*  
*   
*

_October 31, 2016_

_Today's Halloween and your costume was the cutest little thing. It also brought a smile to my face. I think I'm starting to really like you a lot._

_-Myungjun_

    Myungjun woke up in a very uncomfortable position. When he opened his eyes he found Jinwoo sitting as stiff as a board (while simultaneously trying to support Myungjun as much as possible), trying to stay as still as possible while trying not to move while Dongmin painted his face. Myungjun whined at Dongmin and complained about him painting Jinwoo's face.

"It's too early to be painting him to look like a-"

He turned to look at Jinwoo and almost melted at the sight.

"-A damn dog."

"Dude, it's literally almost 2pm."

"Well it's still too early."

"How early is too early for you Myungjun?"

"Until I finally wake up."

"Well I couldn't wait until 8 to paint Jinwoo's face so deal with it."

"Oh my god! And you could've at least let me go you know."

"No I couldn't have. Whenever I try to you just pull me back and yell at me for moving."

"....right...I'm going back to bed now....."

Myungjun sat up and then leaned his head on Jinwoo's shoulder until he was comfortable enough to fall back asleep without any complaints. He was lightly poked until he woke up by Dongmin who looked very amused. Jinwoo started running his hand through Myungjun's hair to keep him from becoming grumpy and started rubbing circles on Myungjun's hip with his free hand. Myungjun sighed in content before looking over at Dongmin with a questioning look.

"I need to paint your face."

"Why?"

"It's Halloween, I even painted Jinwoo's face! Come on, don't be a party pooper!"

"Ugh, fine! I better not look stupid though!"

"Trust me, you won't look stupid."

"....Alright, I guess."

"Yay!"

"I swear to god if I look stupid-"

"You won't! Don't you trust me?"

So Myungjun ended up sitting through thirty minutes of face painting sitting as still as possible while Jinwoo kept running one hand through his hair and rubbing circles with the other. He sat patiently and waited for Dongmin to finish doing whatever he was doing to Myungjun's face (because Myungjun had no idea and he was quite terrified) and as soon as Dongmin put the brush down Myungjun picked up the closest reflective surface and figured out two things.

  1. he shouldn't have picked up Jinwoo's phone to look at his face.
  2. he should have never trusted Dongmin in the first place.



The first thing Myungjun saw when he picked up Jinwoo's phone was the extreme paleness to his face and then the huge mass of red surrounding his lips followed by a little red dot on his nose, the next thing being his eyes that were big brown eyes surrounded by poorly crafted diamonds; in conclusion he was a very disappointing clown. He hated Lee Dongmin and he would remember to tell him that for the rest of his life. He looked up at Jinwoo who looked at him with some weird look that he couldn't quite place, but he didn't feel comfortable because he didn't know what Jinwoo was thinking (even though Dongmin found the fondness radiating off Jinwoo's face was obvious and gross, but found their obliviousness almost as embarrassing as Minhyuk and Sanha's obliviousness towards each other.).

"You look nice."

"Shut up, you have no right to say that to me!"

"And why not?"

"Because you look like a puppy and people aren't scared of puppies. I look like a damn clown, and a scary one at that."

"I think you're a cute clown."

Myungjun was suddenly very thankful for Dongmin's over excessive use of white face paint because the red hue covering his cheeks was failed to be noticed by Jinwoo or Dongmin. He'd have to remember to thank Dongmin for making such good painting choices in the future. As if knowing that Myungjun was slightly embarrassed, the cue came for the other three 'friends' (Myungjun liked to call them jump starters to his death) burst through the door to help Dongmin torture him. A very ecstatic Sanha practically stumbled through the door followed by a very protective Minhyuk (who caught Sanha before he could fall) and a very third wheeling Moonbin.

"There you are Dongmin! You have no idea what I just went through! It was like watching a bad romance movie."

"Sorry Binnie!"

"Ew don't get all coupley with me in the room, I will literally throw up all over Jinwoo."

"Ew, why me?"

"Because you're the closest."

"True. Get out of here with your coupley-ness I don't want my hair being messed up."

"Oh wow, that's all you care about? Your hair?"

"It's a miracle I still have it, of course that's what I care about."

"Well, I care about keeping the contents of my stomach INSIDE MY GODDAMN STOMACH!"

"Well, rude."

"Shut up Jinwoo."

"Me-ow."

Myungjun punched him in the arm, lightly because he didn't have the heart to hit him too hard, and rolled his eyes before ruffling Jinwoo's hair (which received a whine from said male) and leaned in to cuddle with Jinwoo who then proceeded to push him away while complaining about the state of his hair.

"Oh my god you care about your hair more than a living, breathing person!"

"I do not."

Jinwoo only proved Myungjun's point further when he picked up a mirror and started fixing it, making sure not even one strand was out of place.

"Oh my God, you're insufferable."

"Don't lie, you secretly like me enough to stick around."

"What makes you think that hm? Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to bed."

Jinwoo almost threw his arms out waiting for Myungjun, but he was instantly glad he didn't when Myungjun turned and made his way to his own bed. He watched as Myungjun got comfortable and snuggled into the blanket. He was about to ask why Myungjun got up, but Dongmin beat him to it.

"Why did you switch beds? You never switch beds."

"Because my teddy bear is over here."

"But your teddy bear is usually Jinwoo."

"Yeah but this teddy bear would let me puke on him."

"I'm not letting you puke on me."

"And I'm not moving from this spot. Good night Jinwoo."

"Good night Myungjun."

Dongmin almost left the room, but realized it was 3pm and forced Myungjun out of the bed.

"Let me go, I'm tired."

"You can sleep later, it's time to celebrate Halloween!"

"Ew."

"Zip it and get up."

"Fine."

The six boys left the room and headed to the hospital's Halloween party where they drank too much apple cider and ate too much candy. Minhyuk was dragged around by a very hyper and very much screaming Sanha followed by Dongmin and an equally as hyper Moonbin. Jinwoo sat lazily in a chair with a very tired Myungjun wrapped in his arms, his head lolling to the side every once in a while, threatening to rest on his shoulder. Myungjun was exhausted and he was so ready to go to sleep. After trying to keep his head up for thirty minutes, his head finally rested on Jinwoo's shoulder and his eyes slowly drooped until they finally closed. He was jolted awake when Jinwoo tried to maneuver him to the other leg. Jinwoo looked up at him and smiled, the smile that always made Myungjun's heart rate increase, and asked him if he'd like to go back to the room.

"No, I wanna stay with you."

"I'm going to go with you."

"Oh."

"You wanna go?"

"Okay."

"Alright, you'll have to walk then."

"Ew, can we stay then."

"No, come on you can get up."

"Ugh, fine."

Jinwoo and Myungjun quickly got up and told Minhyuk and Dongmin (since there was no use in telling Sanha or Moonbin because 1. they were too hyper and 2. they were nowhere in sight.) before leaving area. They had made it two steps out of the doorway when Myungjun stumbled the first time and another three before he stumbled again. It was the third time that Myungjun stumbled when Jinwoo grabbed his hand and led him the rest of the way to the elevator. When they were inside, Jinwoo pressed the button for the sixth floor and Myungjun slouched against Jinwoo. When they reached the sixth floor, Jinwoo piggybacked Myungjun the rest of the way to the room and carefully laid him down on the bed before covering him up and turning to go to his own bed. Before he could take one step, though, he found a small, tan hand wrap around his wrist and tug him closer.

"Stay with me."

Jinwoo took a deep breath and swallowed hard. Myungjun looked stunning and he couldn't say no to him, not even if he wanted to.

"Okay."

Jinwoo carefully slid into the bed and under the covers before gently wrapping his arms around Myungjun. Myungjun smiled softly and cuddled up to Jinwoo before going to sleep while being held by his teddy bear Jinwoo.

*  
*   
*

_November 14, 2016_

_We walked outside and you felt a lot like Autumn. Cool colors, wind, and warm jackets. All of it made me fall even harder for you._

_-Myungjun_

Myungjun woke up to the sound of low, gentle humming. It soon began to feel the fingers combing through his hair and the slow, rhythmic circles being drawn on his waist. He opened his eyes to find Jinwoo looking at him so fondly (that stupid smile Myungjun loved so much gracing his face and melting Myungjun instantaneously) that Myungjun almost forgets he wakes up this way every morning because he’s so entranced.

“Good morning sunshine.”

“Good morning Myungjun.”

“Wait, it’s actually morning?”

“Surprisingly, yes.”

“Wow, I think I need to go back to sleep, this is weird.”

“You’re right, it is.”

    Myungjun looks over at Jinwoo and smiles at him, Jinwoo effortlessly returning it with his ‘let’s kill Myungjun’ smile. He whispers a 'goodnight' to Jinwoo before he finally closes his eyes and falls into a dreamless sleep. He is woken up again when Sanha comes in very loudly (with a very smitten looking Minhyuk following closely behind) and checks Myungjun's vitals and gives him his antibiotics. Sanha leaves and Minhyuk is about to when Jinwoo tugs his arm to get him to stay.

"Did you ask him out yet?"

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"It's not that easy Myungjun."

"Uh, yes it is. Literally all you have to do is breathe and he'll say 'I love you'."

"Um.."

"Myungjun's right Minhyuk-"

"I know I'm right."

"As I was saying, he's right. Sanha is so in love with you. You should just go for it without any regrets."

Minhyuk gave one last terrified look before he gave Myungjun the 'seriously, take your own goddamn advice' look before nodding and walking out of the room quickly.

"I think that worked out pretty well, how about you?"

"I think so too."

Myungjun turned his head to look out the window and he noticed the leaves that fell out of the trees. He noticed the leaves floating in the breeze and the way the sun shined, brightening the sky. He suddenly thought of an idea and he looked at Jinwoo with puppy eyes.

"what?"

"I have an idea!"

"...Should I be scared?"

"No! I just wanna go for a walk!"

"Oh, okay. Let's ask then."

"Yay!"

Jinwoo pulled Myungjun off the bed and pulled him out of the room, walking up to the nearest nurse. He quickly asked if they could walk outside, and he pulled Myungjun out the door after receiving the go ahead. They walked around the seemingly small courtyard behind the hospital for what felt like ages before Myungjun found a fountain and tugged Jinwoo along. He plopped down and tugged Jinwoo down with him before he began pointing at all of the leaves that were falling to the ground.

“Jinwoo look! The leaves are falling!”

“Mhm.”

“Isn’t it so pretty? I mean the colors of the leaves mixing and the way they sway in the autumn breeze, it’s so breathtaking right?”

“Oh, I definitely see something breathtaking.”

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“You sure?”

“No I didn’t say anything, I was just agreeing with you.”

“Oh okay.”

    Myungjun turned back to watch as the leaves fell from their trees and danced their way to the ground. He looked around the small courtyard and began to feel an overwhelming sense of joy flowing through his veins as he watched his surroundings.

“You know, autumn is my favorite season.”

“Really?”

“Mhm, I love sitting outside and watching as the leaves change color from green to red, yellow, and orange and I love watching them float to the ground too!”

“That’s cool!”

    Myungjun turned to look at Jinwoo as Jinwoo pulled him closer with one of those infuriating smiles Myungjun could never figure out. He did rest his head on Jinwoo’s shoulder as he continued to watch the leaves fall though. He concluded that this year’s autumn season was one of the best he’s had because Jinwoo was with him.

*  
*   
*

_December 14, 2016_

_We snuck out to the courtyard again, but this time you kissed me…._

_-Myungjun_

Myungjun wakes up to find himself surrounded by silence in a pitch black room. He grabs his phone and checks the time only to huff in annoyance.

**3:13 A.M.**

    He sighs, at another night wasted on a nightmare. He looks next to him (to make sure Jinwoo is still there and that it was in fact just a nightmare) and sighs in relief when he sees that mop of light brown hair. He knows he shouldn’t, but he shakes Jinwoo awake for the fourth time two weeks. Jinwoo pops one eye open and turns on the lamp on the nightstand.

“Another nightmare?”

“Yes.”

“What happened this time?”

“You died.”

    Jinwoo pulled Myungjun closer and started rubbing his fingers through Myungjun’s hair.

“It’s okay, it was just a bad dream.”

“I know, but I just- never mind.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing, can we go for a walk?”

“What? This late? In the winter? You know we shouldn’t be going out this late.”

“Please? I really need to get my mind off the dream.”

    Jinwoo sighed before nodding his head in defeat. He quickly got dressed in some winter clothes (the workers have given up on making them wear hospital gowns being as they’ve been there so long) and urged Myungjun to do the same before they tried to sneak out of  their room without getting caught (read: tried).

    As soon as they stepped foot into the lobby they were stopped by Sanha and Minhyuk. Both nurses looked at them, disappointed, before asking where they were going.

“I want to walk outside with Jinwoo.”

“It’s too cold outside Myungjun, I can’t let you.”

“Oh come on! Jinwoo and I know how to be careful.”

“Sanha’s right, you really shouldn’t go outside.”

    Minhyuk and Sanha both kept telling them they couldn’t go outside as they scooted further and further away from the door (to give Myungjun and Jinwoo enough room to leave when they finally got the hint). Minhyuk nodded his head in the direction of the door (in plain view to Myungjun) as he said his next statement.

“You really can’t go outside, it’s too cold.”

_‘They just made a pathway for us.’_

“Thank you guys!”

“Why are you thanking us, Minhyuk literally just said you couldn’t go outside. There’s no way you’re leaving, also don’t take this jacket out of my hand because you’re not leaving.”

    Sanha practically shoved the jacket in Myungjun’s hand before he laced his hand with Minhyuk’s and began walking away.

“And remember don’t go outside.”

    Myungjun quickly put the jacket on and dragged Jinwoo out the door. They quickly walked around the courtyard until they found their fountain. Jinwoo noticed that Myungjun, despite having a jacket on, was shivering, so he took his jacket off and wrapped it around Myungjun’s shoulders. Myungjun quietly thanked him as he watched the flurries of snow fall slowly around him. When he finally looked up at Jinwoo his breath caught in his throat. There were snowflakes falling all around his head and getting stuck in his hair, and Myungjun thought it was so beautiful. He didn’t have any time to comment on it though, because as soon as Jinwoo looked at him he fixed a strand of hair that was in Myungjun’s face and then started leaning in. Myungjun was completely shell-shocked; he had no idea what to do, but he soon gathered himself and began to lean in until he felt Jinwoo’s breath on his lips. Jinwoo leaned in the rest of the way and placed a gentle kiss on Myungjun’s lips before pulling back and smiling like he’d just won the lottery.

*  
*   
*

_December 25, 2016_

_You got good news today! I’m sorry mine was terrible._

_-Myungjun_

Myungjun laid in bed waiting for Jinwoo to walk in with that guilty face he knew was coming. He knew Jinwoo would blame himself when he figured out Myungjun had pneumonia, it was only a matter of time. He waited ten minutes until he saw Jinwoo poke his head into the doorway, a frown etched on his face. Myungjun decided in that moment that the frown on Jinwoo’s face didn’t belong there and he’d do anything to make sure he never sees it again.

“Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault.”

“Myungjun you’re sick, I should’ve-”

“You hush up! It was my idea to go out, it’s nobody’s fault but my own.”

“But-”

“Do you hear me? Nobody’s fault but mine.”

“Myungjun-”

“What did I just say?”

“Nobody’s fault but your own.”

“There we go! Also, I heard Minhyuk say you had good news.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, what is it?”

“I’m going into remission.”

“Wait, what? Like your cancer is gone?”

“Mhm.”

“Holy shit, that’s amazing.”

“Isn’t it.”

“Holy shit.”

“I know right.”

    Myungjun jumped out of his bed and tackled Jinwoo into a hug.

“HOLY SHIT.”

“I know!”

“This is huge Jinwoo!”

“I know.”

“You went into remission! I, I’m so happy for you!”

*  
*   
*

_January 1, 2017_

_Today is New Year’s. You kissed me at midnight._

_-Myungjun_

To say that Myungjun was nervous was an understatement. He was petrified. It was New Year’s eve and he wanted to kiss Jinwoo so badly, but he wasn’t sure if that was what Jinwoo wanted. He couldn’t just come out and ask if he could kiss Jinwoo either, because that would be weird so he just had to wait and hope for the best.

    Myungjun figures the universe is on his side when the clock reads 11:59 and Jinwoo is standing right next to him counting down the seconds until midnight. He has ten seconds to figure out what to do when Jinwoo does it for him.

10…  
Myungjun looks up at Jinwoo.

9…

8…  
Jinwoo turns to look at Myungjun.

7….

6…

5…

4…  
Jinwoo pulls Myungjun closer.

3…

2…

1…

0…  
Jinwoo pulls Myungjun in for a sweet kiss.

“Happy New Year’s Myungjun.”

“You too Jinwoo.”

*  
*   
*

_January 22, 2017_

_I don’t know what to do_

_-Myungjun_

    Myungjun lay in his bed wondering what Jinwoo is doing and why he isn’t in the room with Myungjun. He hasn’t talked to him in a while  and he wants to know if he’s done something wrong, but Jinwoo’s nowhere to be found. He sighs and calls Sanha in.

“Yes Myungjun?”

“Do you know where Jinwoo is?”

“I do not.”

“Have you seen him lately?”

“I haven’t, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay I guess. It’s not your fault I can’t find Jinwoo.”

“I’m sorry again.”

“It’s okay. You can go now.”

“Okay, bye Myungjun.”

“Bye Sanha.”

    Myungjun sighs and lays back down on his bed. He looks up at the ceiling as if it had all the answers to the questions he’d been asking. He soon got tired and closed his eyes…

*  
*   
*

Jinwoo sat in his and Myungjun’s usual spot as tears ran down his face. He held the crumpled up letter in his hand and tried to steady his breathing. He clawed his face in a n attempt to stop the flow of tears, but that had only worsened it. He took a deep breath as he opened the crumpled paper he found under Myungjun’s bed:

_GIVE TO JINWOO LATER!!!!_

_-Myungjun_

_January 14, 2017_

_Jinwoo,_

_Hi! It’s me Myungjun. I know this letter probably isn’t very much but I thought I’d explain myself to you, so here goes. I love you. There I said it. I could never say it to your face, so I wrote it down. I love you so much, it’s unreal. You’re the sun that shines in the sky and the moon that comes out when the sun goes to hide. You’re the clouds on a rainy day and the stars at night. You’re my oxygen, my will to live. I know his might be weird, but we met in a damn hospital how can we be normal now? I just really wanted you to know that I love you so much and I’d do anything for you. You mean so much to me and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t know what else to say, but I hope this letter reaches you in time…_

_Love always,_

_Myungjun_

_P.S. your smile makes me super happy. <3 _

* * *

 

    Jinwoo flips to the next open page and begins to write his own entry, but this one’s more towards Myungjun instead of himself (like a diary entry should be, but Jinwoo is a rebel). It reads:

_Myungjun,_

_Meeting you was weird, I can’t lie about that. We met in a hospital for crying out loud! No matter how weird it was, I would never change it. Meeting you was the best day of my life, considering I was in chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer. The moment I saw you I knew I needed to talk to you, to know you. It didn’t matter that your dirty blonde hair was matted and clinging to your forehead, it didn’t matter that you were so hot that you were sweating, it didn’t matter that you looked like you wanted to empty the contents of your stomach on the blue jacket of the person holding you (who I later came to know as Dongmin, the boy Moonbin constantly fawned over), and it certainly didn’t matter that we were in a hospital because you were stunning and I needed to get to know you. You ended up being my roommate and it felt like the world was on my side._

_Months flew by and before I knew it, it was Halloween. I was a puppy and you were a clown, not like you had a choice anyway. You still looked beautiful and I couldn’t deny the fact that I was falling for you. You were always clinging onto me and I couldn’t stop smiling. I didn’t want to let go of you, even when you fell asleep to my humming. You looked so peaceful and I couldn’t help myself so I took a picture._

_Then the autumn leaves began falling and so did I. I fell harder and I couldn’t get you out of my head. We ended up walking through the courtyard behind the hospital. We walked until we found a fountain, then you sat down and pulled me with you. You watched the leaves fall and that was when you told me that you loved autumn most because the colors were beautiful and everything was captivating to you. You glowed when you were talking about autumn and you quickly became the most captivating person I’ve ever seen. It didn’t matter how beautiful autumn was at that moment because not even the brightest of colors or even the gentlest breeze of autumn could take my breath away as fast as you did that day. You were so happy and I just wanted to kiss you so badly, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to spoil the mood with my feelings that I thought to be unrequited (now I know that I should’ve kissed you then because you felt the same). Instead I pulled you closer and you snuggled up to me. It wasn’t a kiss, but it was a step closer and I took anything I could get._

_As winter came we went to the courtyard more. We shouldn’t have gone, but you wanted to be a rebel and I couldn’t say no to you. I think you’d figured that out rather quickly and used it to your advantage. You told me everything would be fine, and I was stupid to believe you. I wanted to say no to you, but I knew that your smile would falter and I couldn’t stand seeing that so I agreed to go with you. You waited for night to fall before you got dressed and told me to follow you. We snuck out of the room (only to get caught). You begged them to let you go outside, and it took them a while until they finally gave in, then out the doors we went. We walked to the courtyard again and sat at the fountain. You were wearing a thin jacket and it was snowing, so I gave you mine (you had the flu, what else was I supposed to do?). I should’ve gave it to you earlier, maybe then…. Anyway, you thanked me with a shy smile. When I went to say “you’re welcome” the words were lodged in my throat. You were looking at me so fondly and the snow was getting stuck to your lashes as your hair fell in your face, so I moved it. Then I kissed you. I don’t regret kissing you._

_I received news during Christmas that same year: good news and bad. The good news was that I went into remission. I was so excited that I’d get to live longer to see you more, but then the bad news came:  you had pneumonia. You had to stay in the hospital because you were sick; bedridden, and it was my fault. I should’ve said no. we shouldn’t have gone in the cold. I came in and I guess I looked guilty because the first thing you said to me was “don’t blame yourself, it’s my fault,”. I couldn’t stop blaming myself for it. Your condition got worse as the days went by and I felt even worse about myself. I waited until New Year’s to kiss you for the second time._

_Then January came. I don’t think I’ve ever cried as hard as I did in January. I still blame myself to this day. I think the universe actually hated me and that was his sick joke to get back at me for whatever I did wrong. You never recovered from your pneumonia. I had beaten cancer and stopped chemo as you were hooked up to an oxygen tank. You were put on life support on January 5th and I stayed by your side until the very end. I got one last kiss and that was on New Year’s. You were taken off life support on January 22nd, but it’s not because you got better…… The doctors ended your life and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I’m sorry that it had to be you. I wish it was me that was dead, I honestly do._

_All I do is think of you. They say that it gets easier after time, but six years have gone by and I still can’t get over you and I don’t think I will ever be able to get over you. I won’t be able to get over your dirty blonde hair or your cedar colored, golden spotted eyes. I won’t be able to get over the cute height difference we had or the times we cuddled on my bed. I won’t forget the high cheekbones or your smile that was so breathtakingly beautiful that even the entire universe was overshadowed. I won’t forget your laugh, the laugh that drove me crazy (in a good way, I promise. I could only ever say good things about you anyway). I won’t forget anything about you Myungjun, you’re unforgettable. I regret that it took me too long to figure that out. I wish we would’ve had more time to spend together._

_I regret a lot of things Myungjun, but what I regret the most is never telling you that I loved you. You needed to know, and I was too much of a coward to tell you those three words. They were just three small words, but their impact was so huge that I scared myself away from telling you. I waited until it was too late, and I regret that with every fiber of my being; I wish I could turn back time and tell you that I love you, but I can’t and that’s something that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life._

_Why didn’t you tell me? They said you knew all along, yet you didn’t tell me? Were you trying to save my feelings? Because whatever you did made me feel worse about myself. I will never stop blaming myself for your death, and I hate myself a little more with every day that passes by. You were more than just a boy. You were the seasons all wrapped in one, you were the stars and the sun as a whole, you were the rock that kept me grounded. You -_

_You were my world, Myungjun, and now that you’re gone my world has come crashing down around me. I’m a mess without you, you were my everything._

_You still are my everything,_

_Love always,_

_Jinwoo._

_P.S. I will never stop loving you with all my heart._

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for torturing you with that..... I'll go cry in a corner now......goodbye. pls tell me what you think in the comments below. If you need me, I'll just be throwing myself off the nearest cliff.....  
> ~Stay Beautiful.


End file.
